Reframing Marriage ‘Failure’

When your marriage dissolves before your eyes, you may be tempted to think that it was a ‘failure.’ The value of the entire marital relationship may be called into question in your mind. You may ask yourself, “Were we ever right for each other? Or was I deluded?” There are several thought paradigms about marriage that can lead to feelings… Read more →

Get to know yourself

Finding a suitable love partner is like fitting two pieces of a puzzle together. You have to know what your piece is shaped like in order to know what pieces might join with it harmoniously. Do you like a lot of alone time? Do you enjoy deep conversations and frequent contact? Do you like attending sporting events or classical music?… Read more →

Feel like a boat out of water?

Does it feel awkward or uncomfortable being single again? Do you feel like something is missing in your life or out of place? These are natural feelings during a transition like divorce. Rather than try to submerge and deny these feelings (which will only intensify the inner experience of them), acknowledge your feelings. Let them pass through you. Naming the… Read more →

Get safe out of the rain

The first step after ending a significant relationship is to get the big rocks in the box: shelter, food, safety, and emotional support. In the weeks before I shared the news of my impending departure with my husband, I reviewed my finances, contacted my clients, and made a general game plan for how I was going to support myself. Consultations… Read more →

Change is inevitable…embrace it

There is one constant in this world and that is change, and yet as humans we do everything in our power to prevent change. Are you delaying the end of your relationship because you feel there is still hope things will work out, or are you afraid of change? If you have come to the point where you have purchased… Read more →

Be your own cake

Consider what would happen if you brought the eggs and milk, and your love partner brought the flour and chocolate, and you baked a cake together. Now you each want your ingredients back. Ooops. Difficult to separate the eggs and milk out of the cake. Different scenario, you have a complete cake, and allow your love partner to supply the… Read more →

The real YOU is waiting to be rediscovered

Underneath all those masks you wore to be the perfect spouse and ‘make it work’ is the authentic YOU. That YOU has been waiting for your return, patiently holding space for you while you learned the lessons you needed to learn. The first lesson is this: You don’t need to pretend to be anything other than yourself to receive love.… Read more →

Courage is the fragile blossom that opens in the snow

You’ve made the decision to let go of your marriage and step into a new future. Whether your partner left you, or you left your partner, it makes no difference: you have chosen to let go. Making this decision to let go is simultaneously an act of courage and faith. Courage is not knowing what will happen next, but making… Read more →

Beginning the journey From We To Me

The end of a significant long-term relationship also marks the beginning of a new phase of your life. You might feel like a significant part of you is dying as you face the end of your relationship because, in fact, the old ‘you’ is falling away so that the new ‘you’ can come into fullness. The disintegration period is unsettling,… Read more →